Asking for a Friend

Is it judgy to judge someone who is judgy?

Asking for a friend.

(It’s me. I’m the friend.)

A few years ago, while working at a residential rehab, I accompanied a client to the emergency room. After the initial flurry of nurses, questions, and paperwork, there wasn’t much left to do except wait.

So we talked.

We talked about recovery, stigma, and how exhausting it can be when people see “addict” before they see “person.”

Maybe that’s one reason I’ve always had a soft spot for people who feel pushed to the edges.

Working in rehab confirmed something I’d suspected all along: people can make heartbreaking choices and still be worthy of understanding and love.

We talked about people who judged those struggling with addiction.

Then we talked about other kinds of judgmental people.

But not us.

Somewhere in the middle of that conversation, a thought quietly crossed my mind.

Am I being judgmental?

Sadly…

Yes.

Over the years, I realized something that changed the way I see people.

So often, judgment isn’t rooted in hatred.

It’s rooted in fear.

I’ve come to believe that people often fear what they don’t understand. Sometimes they’re protecting deeply held beliefs. Sometimes they’re protecting themselves. And sometimes they’ve simply never had the opportunity to know someone whose story is different from their own.

Seeing that people were often scared—not just unkind—didn’t make their judgment okay.

But it did make them easier to understand.

Does understanding why people judge make it okay?

Not really.

But it does remind me that “people” includes me.

I still catch myself making assumptions.

I still have moments when I see a label before I see a person.

Maybe that’s why grace matters so much.

We all need someone willing to look past the label long enough to see the human being underneath.

Including the person in the mirror.

If this post encouraged you, made you smile, or reminded you that you’re not alone, would you share it with someone who might need it today? Sometimes hope has a way of finding us through a friend. 💙